Wednesday 15 August 2012

SHOELESS JOE AND SCARFLESS PATIENCE: DOUBLE JEOPARDY

How risible (except that it wasn't really funny) was the slow-witted, boorish attempt of the so-called Presidential Senior Special Assistant On Public Affairs, Doyin Okupe, at highlighting the achievements of the one and only moronic Jonathan and his government! The scope of these no-hopers' arrogance, moral paralysis and intellectual blindness is reaching new peaks every passing day. I almost bursted my guts with frustration and unfettered anger reading his diatribes against critics of this motionless government. For a man of such a distinctly questionable character to be the megaphone of an even more distinctly hopeless government is not short of what we've come to expect of this charade of a government. I resist the attempt to waste my time, or the readers', to even ruminate the idiotic gibberish coming out of this monstrosity of a man's uncouth mouth. We shall just treat it with the disdain it more than richly deserves. He is just as unimportant as his mindless statements.
How time flies! Or for most, how time seems to stand still! How long ago was it that the majority of Nigerians were bewitched by Jonathan's sob story? A childhood spent largely in severe material deprivation,  trudging shoelessly to school and back with sunken cheeks showing the unsavoury effects of near-starvation. How could we not just empathise with a man whose childhood was so full of the miseries most Nigerians were, and still are, having to endure? Was it unreasonable to place our collective trust in such a man whom we believed would surely seek to make things better for us because of his own sad experiences? No, we were not wrong, and we were not gullible or stupid. We were simply ambushed and nicely pick-pocketed. We made Shoeless Joe President and Scarfless Patience, by default, became First Lady. How were we to know they'd turn out to be the stuff nightmares are made of? What a case of 'double jeopardy'! The pomposity of Patience is well catalogued and it is no secret that she has an obscenely bloated sense of her own self-importance. Surrounding herself with yes-men and yes-women, she gets her way in almost every situation, and she throws her toy out of the pram if she doesn't. Whatever goes on between her and her husband in their bedroom is their problem; who wears the trousers in their relationship is their headache. Treating Nigeria as their bedroom is our problem, our headache, our toothache, our every goddamn ache! This woman complaining that the Constitution did not make provisions for wives of politicians goes to show the impossibly low level of her intelligence and her acute tactlessness. Does she know how many spouses of politicians the world over have their own careers, and do not piggyback on their other halves' political careers? By the way, how many democracies in the world pay monthly allowances to politicians' spouses? Here in our country, we saddle ourselves with their upkeep, pay them allowances, and even cover the expenses of their mindless trips abroad. And you wonder why the cost of governance is so insanely high?
We didn't expect miracles from Jonathan when we decided to give him the opportunity to serve, no. We didn't expect him to heal every national affliction that was present before his time, oh no. Neither did we expect him to make every conceivable situation worse nor did we expect him to effectively slow down the pace of the war against corruption, our biggest affliction as a country. Thieves celebrating, and being celebrated, up and down the land, and the President assuring us and the wider world that all is well and under control. He is an absolute joke and a complete jerk; a dopey sort of chap who thinks that surrounding himself, and filling his cabinet, with loquacious nitwits will shield him from the anger of the people and his certain Waterloo.
He sends our troops on peacekeeping missions abroad and he can't even keep the peace in his own yard. Talking up Nigeria to foreign investors who only laugh at him and his loathsome attempt at peppering over the cracks in our economy and its management. Lauding his 'achievement' in upping our power generation capacity to 4250MW, while Algeria, with a population of under 40 million people, has 19000MW! This man simply has to go. Nothing else will do. He has cost Nigerians too much and has set us back decades. He has been a horrible experiment. We need to wipe the slate clean. I pray that one day soon, Nigerians will be able to sing 'Laus Deo', but 2015 may be too late.



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